Family?

How do you define “Family”? Maybe it’s just you and your spouse. Perhaps you have a couple of kids and parents included. I was thinking about this the other day and realized it’s really a pretty hard thing to define sometimes. Of course when I’m asked how my families doing, the first ones I think of are my wife and kids, who wouldn’t? But really I think more and more it’s about the people that you chose to allow yourself to let in.

The last few years have made me have to re-think how I look at it. I’m forced to get a little more personal here than I usually do, but I think it’s with good reason. My wife and I have three boys that live with us. They’ve been with me since the youngest was just 18 months old. You see, I’m not their biological father, although I did adopt them about 6 years ago. Their biological father was A~’s ex (Heretofore referred to as X~) and there was a time that we had a hard time dealing with some of the issues that naturally come about in such a situation. We wanted things one way, he wanted them another and of course that left three little boys in the middle. There came a point when he and we came to decide that it was best just to let me adopt them. We would have the control over their future that we were so worried about, and he wouldn’t have to be so caught trying to fill a position that he seemed to be having a hard time coming to grips with. It was a blessing, I think, for all of us and is something that although it took a couple of years to fully digest, has benefited all of us greatly.

I can’t speak for X~, nor would I want to, but I assume that he’s had problems with me in the past just as I have had with him; that, I’m sure, was unavoidable. Here’s the thing though, over the last couple of years we seem to have found some oddly peaceful way of all coexisting that I never could have imagined, but am so immensely grateful for. It’s not even just he and I that have found some commonality but rather that all of us, in our hopes for what would be best for our boys, have.

So why am I talking about this? Because we just had a Thanksgiving evening that was unlike any other that I ever thought I would have, and you know what? It was good. A~ and I had family over for the evening. But to define it as such takes a little bit of creativity. You see, it wasn’t just her and I and the boys with her dad and his girlfriend, but also X~ and his mom and her husband who is not X~’s father. Two distinctly different family components came together, hers with her father and his with his mother. And each of them came with someone that wasn’t related to A~ or X~. Then there was me, not in anyway related, biologically anyway, with anyone at the table. What were the commonalities? We all wanted to be together with people we loved. Did we all love each other? No. Hey I’m just being honest here; this isn’t pie in the sky stuff. But I know we all love either the boys, or at the very least the people who love the boys. So we have a choice don’t we? Do we shuttle kids around to each others homes, schedule parcels of time when we all get to be with loved ones, and waste half a day in the process, or do we accept that we have some differences, but that really what matters most is we all care deeply for our families and want to foster that without boundaries?

As it were, we chose the latter and I think we were all better for it. We prayed together, ate together and laughed together. Our children/grandchildren were happy and felt loved. They got to visit, play with and be loved by not only one family or the other, but by both. For our part, A~, X and I that is, we didn’t have to worry about squeezing in a good holiday with the boys in time to get them over to the other house. We got to slow down, enjoy the company and be thankful for the season and for all of our gifts and blessings.

So I ask again, how do you define “Family”? Who do you chose to let in to your fold? Sometimes it really might not be entirely up to us who they are, but rather whether we chose to accept them and be happy with what we have. I do.

I hope all of your Thanksgivings were wonderful and look forward to hearing from you all soon.
P~

Thanksgiving was great.

Thanksgiving was great at our place, I hope it was for all of you as well. (At least for those of you in the states.) A~ set a beautiful table as always.She never ceases to amaze me with what she can do with so little. No new decorations, and even the ones that we did use came largely from thrift stores or we've had them for years. One really good idea that I've found that she does is to find and keep things that aren't trendy but rather are just simple, classy and timeless.
I did the turkey again this year and, if I may say so, it was delicious! Cooking Turkeys is one of the few dedicated chores that I've been given with regard to the cooking, so as it nearly always is with specialists, I've gotten pretty good at it. I stuff the bird under the skin and although I don't generally like white meat on chickens or turkeys, cooked this way I do. It literally drips juices.

I'm keeping this short and sweet as I have a little bit "deeper" post to put up in a minute. Hope you all are doing great ans enjoyed time with family. I did, and I'm ready to write some more.

Talk to ya tomorrow.

P~

Taking a break

There are a couple of times a year when I will purposefully take a blogging break. Thanksgiving and Christmas are a couple of them. That said, I'm checking out for a couple of days, at least from my regular daily postings. I will be working on a post for my other couple of blogging gigs here and there, but most likely won't put anything up again until next Monday.

I wish for all of you, my friends, family and regular readers alike my best wishes. I know many of you are spread around the globe, outside of the US, and that this weekend is just another weekend for you. For me, it is time to spend with family. Work on puzzles, play games, visit and tell stories. It's a time to reflect, particularly at this challenging time for many of us, about our many gifts and blessings and to give thanks for them.

Please know that if your are reading this, whether your local to me or halfway around the world, you are one of the things I am thankful for. I enjoy, more than almost anything, the interaction that we share, and the community that seems to be building here. Whether it's a holiday weekend for you or not, enjoy it and emrace it.

God bless!

P~

Addressing a comment

I got a comment posted today that I thought I would address. I don't do this to be confrontational, but I could see it being taken as such so I wanted to state for the record that that is not the intent. I had posted some time back about whether I was missing something in how we seemed to have skipped the entire Thanksgiving season. Today I got this post from a friend, neighbor and fellow blogger:

Happy "Native America Genocide Day!"
Sorry to be the wet sheet, many "American Indians" or "Native Americans" (such as myself) feel that if our forefathers hadn't held the first Thanksgiving, we might not have gone through the culling and near extermination that the settlers forced upon the native peoples.
Another common sentiment among native peoples is that our proverbial olive branch and welcoming gesture that was the First Thanksgiving was not reciprocated by the white settlers, and was answered with deceit and (despite what is force-fed to our children in public schools).
Anyhow, not trying to put a damper on anyone's holiday celebrations, just bringing up another point of view.
- http://www.joelevi.com/

To a point I know where he's coming from. I mean, our U.S. history is littered with the remnants of many cultures, not the least of which is the Native American Indians. They were in large part a trusting people when the visitors from overseas came to their shores and yes, they were mistreated, abused, killed and removed from their native lands in many cases. It is a black mark on American History.
It's not the only one though is it? What about slavery? How about the way that nearly every group of immigrants has been persecuted when they first arrived? Even the Irish were considered inferior to Anglo Americans and called unassimilatable into US culture once upon a time.

So what's my point, to ignore the plight on our Native American population because "hey, other groups had it hard too?" No. My point is that the greater promise of America, in my opinion, does not lie in rehashing our failures of the past. I wouldn't expect my children, who are of easily traceable Irish descent, to hold a grudge against their country because their ancestors were relegated to the worst jobs. I don't believe in allowing ones name, or race to hold them back either. The only boundaries we have in our way that can truly impede us are the ones we place there ourselves. No, I believe in fact that the greatest promise the America holds and the reason that day after day and year after year there are people from around the globe clamouring to get in here, is that we have the ability to admit our mistakes, do our best to correct them, and even more so, we have the unique gift of largely being able to decide for ourselves what it is that we will be able to attain.

The Irish, Italian and Asian communities (among others) have overcome the prejudices that were in their way. The children of black slaves have opportunities that their grandparents could only have dreamed of, to include of course the attaining of the highest office. And for myself, son of a poor kid who's Dad pushed him to do better for himself and, oh yeah, a direct descendant of Native Americans as well, I'm pretty proud of my country even with it's mistakes.

So just as Christmas has evolved from it's early Christian/pagan origins and became what it is today. (Minus of course the over-commercializing of it. That's another story.) So too has Thanksgiving evolved. Most people celebrate Thanksgiving today, with exception to the "token pilgrim/Indian decorations", not as a time of thanks for being welcomed to this continent, or celebration for the way the native population was wronged in the process, but rather as a time to give thanks to their God and their family for the blessings that they have. Thanks for the time we have to spend together, and to give to others of their time and their bounty.

So, that's my opinion on the matter. As stated, I don't mean to be confrontational, but it's my blog and while I will not edit (with obvious exception of spam or vulgarity) the comments left here, I can't say that I will agree with them all. Nor will I sit quietly all the time.
Thank you.
P~

Ahhhhhh

What a great Thanksgiving! We spent out Thursday giving, and our Friday thanking and eating! We cooked a beautiful turkey, and of course all the appropriate trimmings. I'm going to pass on my secret turkey cooking technique now. Stuff under the skin. I make a slightly wetter than normal stuffing, slide my hand between the breast and the skin, and fill the resulting space with the stuffing. 8 yrs ago, when my wife and I were having our first thanksgiving dinner we decided that we wanted to come up with a recipe for turkey that we could make a tradition, this was what we came up with and we have loved it ever since. This is my one real contribution to the thanksgiving feast, I am the turkeymeister!

A~ set a beautiful table for us as you can see. She makes all the holidays special for us with her decorating and enthusiasm.

As for our actual Thanksgiving day, this is where we spent it. This is the Marshall White community center in Ogden UT. It's the nearest center of it's kind to us, and it's where we have gone for thanksgiving to help out and serve a meal every other year.

We had an opportunity to experience a different perspective this year. It happened while we were off the active serving line, and were helping some of the elderly or disabled to get their meals. A~ looked up and poked me to draw my attention to someone in the line. It was our old neighbors. As I said before, We began to do this little bit of service as a sort of thanks of our own for our blessings and after having come through a particularly rough period in our life together. It was strange to see someone that had been in so similar a place as us at one point, obviously worse off. She was with her kids, and after she seemed to notice us there, she looked down and didn't seem to want to be seen. We respected this, and continued as though nothing had changed. It stuck with me though, and made my thanks the next day even greater.

I'm glad to hear that everyone had a good thanksgiving, I hope we can all try to keep the spirit of thanks in our hearts much longer than just the weekend.

P~

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanks giving here. Well, it will be tomorrow anyway. We'll be heading over first thing in the morning to help set up for the meal that we'll be serving. As I said before, it's something that we've done before and we all really enjoy it. I hope you all have a wonderful and enjoyable Thanksgiving. Enjoy your families and your time with them. If you have the opportunity while you're out and about hold a door open for someone, or maybe just a smile to a stranger. Think about the things you're thankful for and keep them in your heart all day.

I'd like to also take a moment to let you know what I am thankful for.

• I'm thankful for my family. My wife, and my kids are my greatest blessing and I am thankful for them every day.
• I'm thankful for my work. I am lucky enough to to have been able to work with a great group of people and to know my imact.
• I'm thankful for my health. I feel like I've been in the best health of my life lately.
• I'm thankful for all of the service men and women here and abroad serving during this holiday season to keep us safe and secure.

Now, get off the computer, eat some turkey and have a great day!

P~